How an IDGAF Attitude Made Me a Great Mom
I’m an IDGAF kinda’ Mom and I love It
Early in my motherhood journey, the question I constantly asked myself was how to know if I’m a good mom. But after 17 years of raising four kids — a combined 54 years of parenting (17 yo/m, 16 yo/f, 12 yo/m, and 9 yo/f) — I finally figured it out. Would you like to know my secret for how do I know I am a good mom? It’s simple.
IDGAF!
I learned that the best way to be a happy, functional mother was to stop caring about the mundane. It truly saved my life and my relationship with my children. Want to know how to make being an uncaring mom work for you? Read on and celebrate being an IDGAF mom too! I even offer a fun FREEBIE at the end!
Many moms want to know how to be a good mom. It can seem nearly impossible when you try to juggle:
handling the house, the everyday errands, budgeting, meal planning, children's extracurriculars, your health, your friendships, your partnership, your career, self-care, and mental well-being.
All while remembering to drink enough water, get proper exercise, change out of your PJs before you leave the house (or just to give yourself a boost of energy), and put on sunblock before you go outside. And for the love of organization-FOLD, that laundry you got piled up in the chair. Anxious moms know what I mean.
Honestly, it’s completely exhausting trying to keep up with it all. There’s the need to remember everything and keep things organized and keep alive your kids, pets, plants, and partner.
In my years of motherhood, I learned that trying to care about every little inconsequential thing — especially trying to live up to the expectations of being a perfect mother- led to me being a horrible mother with unhappy children.
Life is chaotic, and it has a way of throwing you off track. You may not realize it at first, but there is a purpose for life’s chaos. It’s serendipity -FATE.
What’s an IDGAF-Mom?
Being an IDGAF mom has been the best decision I’ve ever made — besides marrying my amazing and supportive husband!
But what do I mean by I’m an IDGAF-mom, and how is that a good thing?
IDGAF is one of the most known acronyms — short hand-that can be the perfect response to any situation.
What do you want for dinner? IDGAF (I don’t give a frack — for modesty’s sake). What movie do you want to see? IDGAF. But I don’t want to pick up my toys. I’m going to play with them later. IDGAF! Do it now.
As an IDGAF mom, I’ve learned to overlook the small things that used to stress me out.
Someone left a pair of shoes in the middle of the floor. Or dinner burned, so now everyone decided to fix individual meals. There’s clutter everywhere, fingerprints on the windows, and mud on the back door where the dogs come in through the doggie door and don’t use their manners to wipe their feet before entering.
So, my life is full of clutter and chaos. Disarray and discombobulation. We’re a busy family of 10 (6 humans and 4 dogs) that spends more time on the road than in the house. We don’t live a normal, regularly scheduled life. We live a predictably dysfunctional, reliably unreliable life of madness. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Now, plenty of moms out there bash our busy lifestyle. They call me a failure because I don’t follow the mom trends — Screw you, elf on the shelf, and Slime.
I’m okay with being a bad mom. Yes, I’m not the mom who saves every piece of artwork and high grade. And I don’t make crafts, bake fresh goodies for afternoon snacks, or schedule playdates. There is just too much that goes into being a mom.
You have to make sure your kids get the right nutrition, education, exercise, limit their TV time, have good socialization skills without being a donkey, and so forth.
IMO, that’s a lot of responsibility to put on someone who honestly has no idea what they’re doing.
So, it sounds like I’m saying IDC — I don’t care- right?
Well, you’d be half right with that assumption. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of parenting things that I don’t care about.
But if I don’t care, doesn’t that make me the opposite of what I’m claiming? How can I be a good mom if I don’t care?
Not caring is what makes me a fantabulous momma. Need more clarification? Coming right up after a brief history lesson.
What Made Me an IDGAF Mom?
I’m an 80s baby, raised in a different time and way. I’m constantly feeling like an alien among people my age.
Perhaps it’s because I started my motherhood journey early in life — I had my first child at 19, my second at 20, my third at 25, and my final at 28. Whatever the reason, I’ve realized I don’t mom the same way as my children's peers.
Things like Google, Pinterest, cell phones, video chats, and other parenting tools didn’t exist back then. I had to screw up the old-fashioned way. And you can tell it in my children.
Consequences of being an IDGAF Mom
As a result of being an IDGAF amazingly great mother, a few things have occurred.
My children have manners and show respect. But even better, they appreciate and mimic the trademark snarky — sometimes offensive — humor that many “perfect” moms see as what makes me a bad mom.
Some adults may say they know too much for their ages. And there are some things on which I agree. We’ve had a hard life.
But for other things, I feel like my children are better prepared for real life. They understand #hustlin and #grindin and #nevergivingup. As my husband likes to say,
“They get it from they momma.”
Remember that as an xennial momma, I believe in raising my kids hard and being prepared for life. It’s in the name — L (life) I (isn’t) F (fracking) E (easy).
But by understanding that nothing is guaranteed and that you’ll only get ahead with hard work and hustle, my children are more ready for this wretched thing we call adulthood than I was at their age (or even now sometimes!)
How to Be an IDGAF Mom
If you’ve ever asked yourself, am I being a good mom, or you’ve felt guilt for acting like a parent, congrats. Being worried that you’re doing it wrong means that you care. But caring if you’re a good mom isn’t enough to be one.
You have to act like a good mom too. More of this in a future post.
And chances are, you doubt your mom-greatness as you browse your social media and see all the amazing moms who seem to have it all together.
No matter where you live or the type of mom you are — unless you are this type-there is always the mom who seems perfect.
She does dozens of crafts. Her kids are always well-kept, matching, and look like they come out of a photo shoot. And her house is always clean. Plus, she volunteers and spends all her time on Pinterest, showing off her motherhood skills.
Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that this person isn’t always as perfect as they present on social media. The biggest tip I can give you about being a mom is not to compare yourself to other moms.
We all live different lives and have varying experiences — and traumas. In psychology, there is a debate on nature vs. nurture. Whether you become who you are due to nature — your genetics and science — or through nurture-your life experiences.
I believe that it’s both components. You’re predisposed to certain traits and behaviors. But what you experience in life and how you respond to it can play a significant role in your psychological development. Two siblings can grow up the same way but have two different life outcomes.
So, give yourself a break if you don’t think you’re in the same lane of successful motherhood as the PTO president and all your favorite mom bloggers.
Seriously, say to yourself, IDGAF!
Why Be an IDGAF Mom?
Are you still unsure why you want to be an IDGAF mom? Being a mom who doesn’t give a frack can make you happier. It reduces your stress. And it can give you a sense of balance in a life that’s going upside down with turmoil.
When you hyperfocus on all the things that are going wrong or all the millions of things you need to do, you can become overwhelmed and stressed.
It’s a great goal to have your home and schedule organized. And it’s even better when you can get your family on a regular routine. But events don’t always work out that way. Don’t get frustrated, momma. Life happens.
Instead, stop worrying about the things you can’t control. “If you can’t fix it, nix it.” When things aren’t going according to plan, toss the plan and wing it.
I used to be hard on myself for not being like the other moms. Until I realized that I’m doing it right anyways. In my own way. And the best results I could hope to see as proof? My kids are happy and still say I love you with affection and cuddles in public, despite being teenagers! (:0)
The Best Kids are from IDGAF Moms
At the end of the day, my children might have consumed too much sugar and processed foods. They had too much screen time. And they didn’t get the desired servings of healthy foods. Heck, I’ll be lucky if all four of them bathe tonight. If you’re raising boys, you know what I mean!
And yes, we’re having dinner tonight at 9:30-again-because we never get home from sports until bedtime.
But what my children did do today is survive. They made good decisions, and they came home from school happy. Each child communicates with me and respects me. They’re open and trusting and are happy to share their love with me. They are my best friends and my true ride or dies.
And that, my friends, is why I love being an IDGAF momma and have the best, happiest kids in the world.
